SoC 2:4

Interview with Cynthia Weil

All artwork in this article is the original work of Cynthia Weil. All copyrights belong to Cynthia Weil. Used with permission of the artist for this article only.

 

W hat were the 60s like for you?

 

What were the sixties like for me? In 1961 I entered Richwoods Community High School and continued until graduation in 1965. I never really listened to the radio or followed groups, but I heard the music and liked it, but was never an aficionado, except I did love The Beatles.

When I was a senior I dated an older college guy that went to my high school and was currently going to Bradley University. (All this was in Peoria, Illinois, by the way). I was into Ivy League and all that kind of stuff in those days. Living in the middle of the country is a conservative place to be. But, always somewhere in the back of my mind California was hiding and waiting for me to get there.

Well, in those days getting married was the thing to do, so I did in 1966 and had a kid in 1967, and then decided to move to California in 1969. The married stuff was in Texas, 'cause he was in the army, then to Germany, and then back to Peoria. And, THEN, to California. Got divorced in 1973, but this is the sixties. So, I was real unconscious and out to have fun fun fun through alcohol at parties. And horniness took a front seat to life too. Those hormones were definitely flowing in the sixties and beyond...Basically, the sixties to me were about having fun. That's what I thought life was all about.

The Doors never entered my hemisphere in the sixties except hearing some of their songs on the radio in passing, but not knowing who did them. Some of the songs were familiar, but I didn't even know who the Doors were, but had heard of the group.

I remember seeing Jim Morrison on TV, probably the news of him being busted in Dec. 1967 in New Haven. I wasn't attracted to him at all, and thought "why would a nice looking intelligent guy do those things?" It might have been about the Miami incident because I was thinking he whipped his dork out at all concerts. I think I heard that. And, I thought that was weird for an intelligent guy to do. And, how I knew he was intelligent is beyond me because I knew nothing about Jim until 1991.

And, as stupid as I was in those days, I thought acid rock had something to do with battery acid. Acid hadn't entered my realm yet. So, you can see how out of it I was in the sixties. I wanted to be a housewife and raise kids, but that illusion didn't last very long.

One thing I left out of my sixties trip was my father was diagnosed with a deadly kidney disease in 1963 and died in 1968, so that was a significant detail I forgot about. So, the sixties was about having fun and partying and ignoring the fact that my dad was dying.

I remembered the sixties did have a death feeling hovering over my house. I tried to ignore all the Vietnam stuff; didn't pay attention to war, even though guys my age were dying every day Luckily my ex got sent to Germany where our son was born. So, I pretty well ignored the war.

Another huge thing of the sixties that affected all of us was the murder of President Kennedy. Everyone was affected by that. That was the first time I saw my dad cry. We were around the TV for days. I remember where I was when I heard the news of his assassination (the girl’s front bathroom at Richwoods High School during lunch break).

 

I think it's a misconception with people my age that didn't experience the 60s that everyone who was under 30 at the time was involved in the counter-culture. Was the hippie/flower-power phenomenon just something you saw on TV or was it present in your everyday life in the Mid-west? Were you familiar with the ideas embraced by the counter-culture and if so could you relate to them or understand them?

 

I really didn't see much of the counter culture in Peoria. I remember at Bradley U my freshman year being aware of the "beatniks" that hung around together, but I just thought they were weird guys. One of them was Irv Kupcinet's son. Irv Kupcinet was a famous Chicago writer that had Kup's Column in one of the big newspapers, but I don't know what he wrote about.

 

 

But, I also liked things a bit differently too because my parents were liberal people. Like, Lenny Bruce, Mort Sahl; those types were well accepted in my family. But, the flower power and love thing didn't hit Peoria, and if it did, I missed it. The main thing I was interested in were boys.

So, the truth of it is, not everyone in the sixties even knew what was going on. Or, maybe I'm the only one. I didn't know anything about the counter culture which turned out to be political, but for me when I did un-culture myself from the middle class, my quest was more spiritual. This didn't happen to me until the 70's.

 

Were you painting at this time?

 

I started painting when I was a freshman at Bradley University. But, I didn't become a "serious" artist until 1987.

 

What were your paintings like before your Morrison series?

 

My painting style is the same as it always was; just never know how the paintings will turn out. I've painted other people a lot, some landscapes, our cat in California etc. So, I don't really paint any differently than I ever did.

 

How did your perception about Morrison change in 1991? Was it because of Stone's movie?

 

The Stone movie did affect me, but I did not think Jim was a bad person as a result of the movie, as many people did.

When we saw the movie, I was reading RIDERS ON THE STORM( Doors drummer John Densmore’s autobiography), which Ray (my significant other) handed me in the library after telling him countless times we had to see this new movie coming called “The Doors”.

 

 

RIDERS ON THE STORM was the first book I ever read about Jim, and that book made me feel how envious and angry John was at Jim. His book made me feel he was wimpy and that Jim scared him. People like Jim do scare people, so I felt sorry for John.

I liked both the movie and the book because I was starving for information about this Jim Morrison person who just bounced into my life. I never planned on knowing anything about Jim; this was a happening that happened to me. I just picked up the vibe, finally, and things started to happen.

About my perception of Jim changing in 1991. Yes, because that was the year I started learning about Jim, and knowing then that he was not a drunken fool, but a highly intelligent human being with a great soul. He and my Ray are dangerously alike.

I can start from the beginning if you don't know the whole story of "meeting" Jim in 1991. I can't remember who I've told what to...

 

Please do!

 

It all started in the spring of 1991 in South Point, Hawaii, which is on The Big Island of Hawaii and is the most southerly point in the USA. We lived on South Point Rd which is the tip of the bottom of the island.

Ray and I lived 12 miles from the nearest town which was Naalehu, and they just opened their ancient movie theatre. The upcoming attraction was The Doors movie.

Every day we drove past the theatre on our way to the next little town with a bigger library called Pahala. The library was in the school, so we shared it with the students. Every time we passed the old Naalehu Theatre I would tell Ray we HAD to see this movie. I didn't know why, but I said it going and coming.

At the library one day as we were waiting for the film to come, Ray handed me (John’s book) I sat down and started reading immediately, and I thought to myself; "I know this guy; I live with him."

 

 

Reading about Jim was like reading about Ray. I had never "met" anyone like Ray before, until I started reading about Jim. Little did I know there was a lot more to this story than I had ever imagined.

I was so inspired by Jim that Ray asked me to join him in his one man show at the Volcano Art Center in Jan. 1992.

Actually, I became obsessed with Jim. I had to hear the music, read everything I could find about him, and connect with people who knew him. This hit quickly. We thought this was just artistic inspiration, but it turned out to be much more.

We finally saw the movie and bought a tape deck so we could plug it into our car cigarette lighter and listen to The Doors movie album. That was the first tape we ever heard. Before the movie and tape deck, I'd listen to the radio quietly at night to see if I could hear a Doors song. (Never did hear one on the radio). And, I would cry as if I was missing Jim, and I didn't even know him.

So, in the summer of 1991 I started painting Jim and associates for a show in Jan of '92. We lived where there was no electricity; very country. But, we had this yurt for a studio, and that is where Ray dragged me every day to paint. He would set up the tape, so I could hear The Doors as I painted. Ray called himself my assistant as I painted 20 paintings in four months, and without his help, I never could have done it.

We lived in an octagon cabin which was quite cute, but South Point is a heavy area. Without all the electricity atoms flying around it was a lot easier for Jim to connect with me. South Point is known for having many spirits. We didn't know at the time that the spirit of Jim was really around; we though it was just artistic inspiration, which it was anyway because obsession and inspiration seem quite similar.

 

 

Finally, in the fall of 1993 I received a letter from author Jerry Prochnicky thinking I knew Andy, but I didn't yet. I told Jerry I would find Andy and ask him to help Jerry with his book. (MY EYES HAVE SEEN YOU) I called Andy's house and his girlfriend answered and said Andy wasn't interested in doing any Jim stuff, so I thanked her and said good bye.

This was September-October of '93. Shortly after receiving Jerry’s letter I started feeling Jim around me all the time. I've read about spirits and believed in all that stuff, but it always happens to someone else. Well, it happened to me and it was fun.

Jim is a happy loving spirit with a good sense of humor. I finally had to contact a psychic to see if this was my imagination, or real. There were three psychics in the yellow pages of the Big Island Phone book then, and they were all local. So, I picked one and we made a date to do a phone consult on January 6, 1994 at 7:00 PM. She lived the closest to Andy and I liked her ad the best. You couldn't believe the electricity in the air that night. Ray went into the bedroom, and I did the session out in the studio. We lived in the projects in Kona by this time. It made for a great studio.

So, what came out of the session was Jim was in the psychic's house right before I called and the psychic's mother saw him clear as a real human. He wouldn't come in until the psychic told me that. Then she said: "Jim, Jim, do you want to come in, Jim?" Then, he did. I just told the psychic it was a dead guy named Jim, so she didn't know it was JDM. She told me that he does love me and he still wants to be with me, which I was feeling. She described him as a type of a shaman and very, very intelligent. Also was dealing with masses of people. She said he wouldn't come frontally, so she couldn't see who he was. Totally understood that. Well, after she described Jim, I finally told her who it was and she gasped and said, “If that doesn't make absolute sense”. She then said he gave a big yahoo on our show in '92.

The psychic said a lot that described Jim Morrison. I asked the psychic if this were all really true, and she said very seriously yes. I even called her a week later and asked her again.

After speaking with the psychic I decided to write Andy a letter (Feb of '94) and tell him what was going on...so I wrote Andy a long letter explaining what happened and gave him our phone number and told him to call me if he wasn't afraid of artists. His friend gave him the letter February 26th, 1994 after Andy went surfing, and he called me when he got home. Andy felt like an old friend, and we have stayed connected ever since.

We feel that Jim wants us to keep an eye out for Andy. Since Andy does believe this, and he doesn't at the same time, he sits on the middle of the fence. Andy's intentions are pure as is his heart, like Jim's.

Andy knows there's a deep connection with us and his brother because he knows I was never a fan or knew anything about his brother before. And, when Andy saw the paintings of his brother, he knew something was up. Also, the similarity of Ray and Jim. I know Andy has great respect for Ray as he had and has for Jim.

There's a guy in Oregon who claims to be Jim. I've seen pictures of him, and I look more like Jim than he does. Andy told me he called him, but Andy just laughs those kinds of things off.

When the Morrison’s lived in Alameda Jim was hanging out at the same places Ray was in San Francisco at the same time. Jim was a young beatnik poet and Ray was a little older art student.

 

How did you meet Ray?

 

I met Ray on October 9, 1976 in Benicia California right across the street from his house. There was a wine and beer bar and restaurant that just reopened on the Carquinez Strait which is a large river that runs through Benicia, Martinez etc. And, Ray lived in a little house across from the Strait and the restaurant which was right on the water.

I was working as a waitress which lasted about two weeks. About 2 months before I had seen Ray walk in another bar, sit down and drink a beer, and then he walked out. Looked very serious, had a book, just like Jim used to carry around.

He was on his way to his probation officer for drunk driving. I didn't know this at the time. I really liked the way he looked. Levi chords, Levi jacket, cool shades, Irish hat, and boots. Dressed a lot like Jim when Jim dressed normally. This exact thought went through my mind when I saw him:

"That's the one I want."

About 2 months later on a Saturday morning I went to work at the restaurant right across the street from Ray's house. It was called Sam's Harbor and had been there for centuries. Used to be an old fishing place Ray went to hang out at when he was a kid. Anyway, it was now a yuppie fish restaurant and had a wine and beer bar.

I walked in and there was Ray at the bar drinking a beer. We started talking, and he acted more interested in me than any man I had ever met. It was intensely wonderful. As I worked that day he and I were making eyes at each other, and he stayed at the bar and drank beer, and when I got off, I sat with him and talked with him and he invited me across the street to see his paintings.

Next day, which was Sunday, I went to work and they told me they didn't need me that day, but it was permanent actually. So, I went across the street to Ray's house and knocked on his door. He had just gotten out of the shower, and let me in, and we've been together ever since.

He told me he didn't know I'd come back. That eve we went to the movies and I remember they were: “The Tenant” by Roman Polanski, and “Harold and Maude”. And, Ray told me from the beginning to "hang on" because he knew he was taking me on a wild ride, which he did.

I know no other woman could have taken what he dished out. I finally told him in 1993 that if he didn't quit drinking I would be his friend, but I would not live with him anymore. He knew I meant it because I was getting HUD section 8 and I could get my own place. Ray quit drinking the next day.

 

Besides the drinking, how is Ray like what you imagine Jim to be?

 

 

Pretty much in all ways except the physical look. Ray and Jim think the same way; they both have very high intelligence, both artists and both very individual. Ray and Jim both have depressive parts to their personalities and both have good senses of humor. It's hard to explain. Ray is quite different than anyone else I have ever met. He's a lone wolf type that doesn't fit in with the crowd, but he's the one who is the most attractive. Ray would have to drink to be social, and boy was he social when I met him.

He's also very shy, and has anger in him as Jim did. Nobody was like Ray until I started reading about Jim. They would use the same verbiage, but Ray didn't know anything about Jim except he knew he was in The Doors and sang "Riders on the Storm." Ray remembers hearing that for the first time because he was coming onto peyote in the desert early in the morning and it came on the radio while Ray was driving at Pyramid Lake which is in Nevada. When I spoke with the psychic the second time in '97, she said that Jim and Ray are twin souls. Boy, I could sure see that. This is very difficult to explain. I just knew when I read about Jim that he was the only other person that I ever came across that was like Ray. It was uncanny, and exciting.

I know Jim really likes Ray, and Jim wants us to keep an eye on Andy. Andy doesn't pick up on spirits or anything like that, so we feel Jim wants us to keep in touch. I told that to Andy the first time I spoke with him. He agreed.

Both Ray and Jim were into Art and the beat scene in SF. Going to the same places at the same time to hear the music and hung out in North Beach. Both dedicated their lives to their art. Both were searching for God, and both are extremely Spiritual Beings. Jim just couldn't get the message out at the time because he didn't know the whole story. He was on the search when he was in his physical body.

 

Why do you think all this happened to you?

 

The psychic told me that Jim and I have had many, many lives together, and with Ray. I was feeling Jim's energy so intensely; there was no way I could deny it. Not knowing anything about him made it easier and being new to the Jim world softened the largeness of his fame. It was so personal, Jim was just very close, not a famous rock star, just loving and natural; out of the angst of physical life. And, Andy lived so close to us.

So, yes, I've known Jim a long time, and I'm glad I didn't know him in this life; too painful to watch him kill himself. My heart couldn't take that. Also, the whole rock star bullshit I couldn't deal with. Jim is a happy cowboy these days, but he doesn't approve of how many portray and honor his addiction of alcohol. Dionysus has calmed down.

 

Why do you continue to paint Jim after all these years?

 

If my art goes anywhere, it'll be because of Jim. He's the focus of my art and that was his choice because I am not attached to painting. I do it because I'm supposed to, not because I want to. I’ve painted 85 so far (in a series of 108, a spiritual number).

My fantasy would be to be discovered as the foremost painter of Jim in the world.

 

Are your paintings for sale and do you have any shows planned?

 

No, they're not for sale. Don't want to sell the originals; too personal. I would sell prints, though.

No shows planned, too difficult to try to deal with the art world. Ray and I would like to see my paintings in a book.

 

How do you decide what images to paint?

 

I just try to find good photos of Jim that attract me to paint him. I do it kind of haphazardly and I don't like all my paintings of Jim, I am fixing a few I don't like, but most of them I do like. Some more than others. There are a few I really love. Wounded Jim 1 and 2. Wounded Jim 1 is in MY EYES HAVE SEEN YOU. I get too attached to them all.

You just never know what's gonna happen when you (I) put my brush to the canvas. None of my paintings are planned. I don't make a drawing in pencil or charcoal; just draw with the paint.

 

What have you learned about Jim Morrison from this whole experience that you want people to know?

 

I don't know if people really know what a spiritual trip Jim was on. It appears many are aware of it, but I think that was Jim's main reason; he was searching for The Absolute Truth, not just playing at it.

 

Originally published on online magazine Scorpywag (http://homepage.ntlworld.com/doors4scorpywag/), but has since been removed.